


intro: euphoria

by sskr



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Asexual Character, Bisexual Characters, Explicit Sexual Content, Forced coming out, Homophobia, M/M, Multimedia, Scandal, Secret Relationship, Social Media, music industry, rin is an idol singer, ssk is a rapper/producer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-07-01 00:03:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15762468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sskr/pseuds/sskr
Summary: Rin is at the top of the world with his group, Parallel Stars, being the most popular in Japan and overseas. That is, until he gets involved in a scandal which the music industry wasn’t ready for.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to this fic!
> 
> First Disclaimer: this is a multimedia fic that alternates media and narration. If you have an issue with seeing the pics, let me know in the comments as they play an important role in this fic.
> 
> Second Disclaimer: I had to use Korean/Chinese celebrities to represent our characters. I’m sorry about that, but no matter how hard I searched, I couldn’t find Japanese celebrities that fit the image I had in my head. Also, i based everything off the K-pop industry and not the J-pop one as I know nothing about J-pop and how it works.  
> Edit from me from the future: I have now decided to not use multimedia anymore until I find Japanese celebrities that fit the characters. Sorry for offending you all, I was offended too I swear.
> 
> Third Disclaimer: English isn’t my first language so I apologise in advance for whatever mistake you may find.
> 
> Also I chose the group name with a band name generator so apologies if it’s lame lmao and I translated it into Japanese with google translate so apologies if it’s incorrect.
> 
> That said, I hope we can all enjoy this story: me creating it and you all reading it. I don’t deal well with criticism unless it’s constructive so please if you don’t have anything nice to say, just don’t say anything at all.
> 
> Check out the [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/3b4nv83n1swhayf08zdso0qz3/playlist/546S45aG3zSxZFzqEp5UK5?si=QNAUHiCTRs-p-fSMb-3-kA) and the [padlet](https://padlet.com/jendeukiesss/of0grapxgvt7) I created for this fic!
> 
> Come talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/sskr_twt)!
> 
> Enjoy (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

***

***

 

As soon as Rin presses ‘send tweet’ and looks at some of the replies, his screen changes to an incoming call. Caller ID reads Mako and Rin has half a mind not to answer, only because he already knows why Makoto is calling him. But he answers anyway, he knows that the other would worry otherwise, and he really doesn’t want to deal with a worried Makoto on his heels.

“Yo,” he greets.

“Go to sleep, you fucking idiot,” is the answer he gets, and Rin actually has to stop because Makoto never swears.

It takes him more than it should take him to recognise the voice, “Oh, Haru, it’s you.”

“Of course it’s me,” Haru retorts.

“Well, you are calling me from Makoto’s phone,” Rin counterattacks, “excuse me for thinking it was Mako.”

“Oh? It’s Makoto’s phone?” Haru asks him, confusion evident in his voice, “I didn’t even notice.”

“Why are you with Makoto at 2am?” Rin asks.

“Because we share an apartment? Duh,” Haru replies.

“Yeah, but why are you in his room?” Rin specifies.

“We’re playing video games,” Haru says and Rin can hear him shrug, “why are you up at 2am and tweeting?”

“Fuck karma, insomnia is the real bitch,” Rin spits, “and I think I might be a little drunk.”

“Rin..” Haru sighs loudly, “how much did you drink?”

“Just a glass or two of red wine, not much,” Rin shrugs.

“You idiot, you fucking know you’re a lightweight,” Haru scolds him, “go to sleep immediately, we’ve got a schedule tomorrow and you can’t be late or Nii and Aki will kick our asses.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Rin tries to calm him down, “I’m already in bed. You should go to sleep, too, stop playing video games. Also Makoto tweeted ‘good night’ three hours ago, why is he still awake?”

“..he was sleeping but I woke him up to play this new game my fansite gifted me at yesterday’s fansign,” Haru confesses, sounding embarrassed.

“I don’t know why you worry so much about me when you’re clearly the worst influence on Makoto,” Rin laughs.

“Shut up,” Haru mutters.

“No, but seriously,” Rin continues, “I fucking told Aki that individual apartments were a bad idea, if we were still in the dorm I would have made you sleep hours ago.”

“Yeah, and I would have done the same to you,” Haru retorts, “so stop fucking talking and go to sleep, you idiot.”

“Okay, okay,” Rin laughs, “goodnight loser, see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight,” Haru echoes.

Neither of them hangs up so Rin, who’s feeling a bit lightheaded and chatty and emotional, murmurs a: “Love you, bud.”

“..same,” Haru says, obviously embarrassed, before hanging up.

Rin throws his phone to the couch and, of course, it bounces and falls off. He lied to Haru, he isn’t in bed yet. He’s sitting on his black leather couch, staring out of the window of his penthouse with a glass of red wine in hand. He’s only wearing a black robe, which makes him feel free and pretty, and the horrendous pink slippers Gou gave him years ago that don’t even fit him that much anymore but he still wears for sentimental value.

The truth is: Rin wasn’t kidding when he told Haru that the individual apartments that Aki suggested were a bad idea. Yes, the dorm was cramped and they had fucking bunk beds, but at least the five of them were together, laughing or fighting or doing whatever. But it’s not like that anymore, no, Makoto and Haru share an apartment and so do Rei and Nagisa, while Rin just had to have the fucking great idea to go live alone.

And, overall, it’s not that bad. He’s the kind of person who needs his space and sometimes being with the others after four long years and sharing every single breath wasn’t that easy. But the painful loneliness Rin feels on long nights when insomnia takes hold of his body is way worse than showering together or waking up to someone jacking off in the middle of the night.

He just wishes he had someone with him, someone to hold his hand and hug him when he cries. They’re all like family at this point, but Makoto and Haru identify as best friends and so do Rei and Nagisa, so where does that leave Rin? Fucking alone.

Feeling frustrated, he grabs the bottle of wine from the coffee table in front of him and drinks straight from it, downing the remaining wine in the span of a few seconds. He cleans his mouth with his hand, he couldn’t care less at this point, and lays down as he feels the alcohol hit him. He grabs the comforter he always keeps at the end of the couch with his feet and puts it over himself, and then closes his eyes, but sleep still doesn’t come.

He’s feeling so frustrated with himself and angry with his friends who have abandoned him. Well, realistically, they didn’t, it was his decision to go live alone after all, but he’s not being realistic right now.

Frustrated because his life isn’t going the way he wanted it to. When he first became a trainee he had this big dream of changing the world with his music, but he feels like people, apart from their fans whom he’s forever grateful for, don’t take them seriously just because they’re an idol group.

It’s not news that people think that idol groups are manufactured, good-looking people performing and satisfying their fans’ every desire. And maybe some groups are like that, but not Parallel Stars. They make most of their own music themselves, they write their lyrics and produce their songs. They’re not just another idol group that’s in for the moment and that’ll be forgotten in a few years time. Or, at least, Rin doesn’t want them to be.

He’s so scared all the time of their fans abandoning them for some younger or more attractive group, he’s scared of being forgotten. He doesn’t want to be just another puppet of the music industry. He wants to be raw and real with his fans, but there are tons of contracts that prevent him from doing so. Contracts he signed when he was younger and more naive.

Now they can’t date, can’t be seen drinking or smoking, can’t have piercings apart from the ones on their ears or tattoos, they basically can’t live. And all because most of their fans, especially the youngest and the domestic ones, want them to be clean and role models-like. He’s noticed that most of their fans overseas don’t care about those kind of things. He’s so jealous of foreign artists, who do whatever they want because they’re not as controlled.

But Rin knows that they can achieve that status as well, they just need to be more famous and more experienced to be truly untouchable. He can’t wait until that day comes.

With these thoughts in his head, Rin finally falls asleep.

 

 

***

 

Makoto comes down from his post-orgasm high when the alarm clock rings.

“Frick,” he mutters, always careful not to swear, “we’re gonna be late if we don’t get up now.”

“Mmh..” Haru mutters, “don’t wanna.”

“Haru..” Makoto sighs, “Nii’s gonna kill us and this time Aki won’t be there to save us.”

“You’re being dramatic,” Haru states.

Makoto sighs again, he feels like that’s the thing he does the most, and gets up. He grabs his boxer briefs from the end of the bed and puts them on, then heads to the kitchen. He takes a look at the clock and this time almost curses for real. It’s 6am and they’re supposed to be at the studios where they’ll shoot their performance for M!Countdown in thirty minutes.

He decides that there’s no time for breakfast and turns the coffee maker on. He waits patiently for it to brew two mugs of coffee and, when it’s finally done, he grabs them and, walking carefully to not spill coffee everywhere, heads back to his bedroom.

Haru is still in bed, but he’s in a sitting position now, rubbing his eyes with his hands in a way that Makoto finds adorable, “Here’s your coffee.”

Haru reaches out with his hand to grab it and he downs it in seconds, while Makoto is still blowing on his to make it colder so that he can drink it. He’s never been the biggest fan of coffee but desperate times call for desperate measures and he needs to wake up.

He knew he shouldn’t have indulged Haru late last night to play video games. Or this morning to have a quick fuck. But what’s done is done and all that matters right now is to shower and to be ready as soon as possible. They’re lucky the studios aren’t that far from their apartment, otherwise they’d be positively fucked, and not in the good way.

“Come on,” Haru says, standing up, “let’s have a shower. We reek of sex.”

They enter the bathroom together and shower and brush their teeth on autopilot. Usually they like taking their time in the shower or take baths together, but they can’t this time, not when they’re so late.

After drying themselves they go to the bedroom, or Makoto’s bedroom, and open the wardrobe. Makoto grabs a random flannel and a pair of jeans while Haru wears a Stranger Things T-shirt (he’s never watched the show but it was a gift from a fan) and a pair of black, ripped jeans.

Makoto puts the food for Aiko in her bowl as Haru looks for their face masks. They quickly wear them once Haru finds them and put on their shoes, then they finally head out. Makoto risks a glance at his watch. 6:15, not bad.

They run down the stairs as they can’t be bothered to wait for the elevator to arrive and go to the parking lot. Makoto still can’t drive, he’s still scared of it, but Haru can, he and Rin took lessons together when they were trainees, so they get in Haru’s car. Their managers didn’t want them driving, they could cause accidents and those are scandals they won’t be able to get out from, but Haru and Rin fought for it for a long time and now they’re allowed to. Haru starts the engine and Makoto turns the radio on, skipping through the stations before he finds a song he likes.

At the end, they manage to arrive to the studios at 6:30am and Makoto thanks every god that there wasn’t a lot of traffic. They show their IDs at the entrance of the studios and they’re let in. They saw a few fans outside already when they passed through the entrance with the car, but the windows in Haru’s car are blacked out so they probably weren’t seen. Makoto feels bad that they have to wait that long in the cold, and he makes a mental note to tweet about it later.

When they enter the door to their dressing room, they find Nagisa and Rei already inside, Nagisa getting his eye makeup done and Rei his hair. Nagisa smiles brightly when he sees them in the mirror, “Hey guys!”

Rei turns to look at them, unaware of the glare of Murakawa-san, their head hairdresser, and smiles as well, “Good morning, Makoto, Haru.”

“Good morning,” Makoto smiles.

“Morning,” Haru echoes.

They quickly get changed in their outfits, uncaring of the fact that they’re in a room full of people, and then Takeuchi-san, one of their hairdressers, hurries Makoto to one of the chairs and makes him sit as her assistant, Hitomi-chan, does the same with Haru.

“You look tired,” Takeuchi-san comments, “did you not sleep?”

Makoto shrugs the back of his neck, embarrassed, “We stayed up playing video games.”

Takeuchi-san bursts out laughing, “Sometimes I forget how young you are.”

“Oh!” Nagisa exclaims from his chair, “what game did you play?”

“A bit of Undertale and then Overwatch,” Haru replies.

“Is Makoto still shit at video games?” Nagisa laughs.

“You know it,” Haru sighs.

“Hey!” Makoto exclaims, pretending to be offended.

“Aw, don’t worry, Haru-chan,” Nagisa winks at him through the mirror, completely ignoring Makoto, “invite me over and I’ll play with you.”

Haru pulls a disgusted face, “No thanks.”

“You’re so mean, Haru-chan!” Nagisa whimpers.

“Where the fuck’s Rin?”

Everyone turns to look at the at the entrance where, without anyone noticing, Aki and Nii are standing. Aki is carrying their coffees and Nii is furrowing her brows, which usually means nothing good.

“I haven’t heard from him,” Makoto confesses sheepishly.

“Me neither,” everyone echoes.

“That fucker..” Nii grits through her teeth and she looks scarier that she usually does.

“Here, here, take your coffees,” Aki says while handing each one of them their ones, then she turns to look at Nii, “Do you think we should go to his apartment?”

Nii sighs, “I don’t know, I’ll try calling him.”

Nii takes her phone from her bag, quickly dials Rin’s number and waits, then she finally speaks, “I don’t care how sorry you are, just tell me where you are.”

They all wait with bated breaths until she talks again, “Okay, okay, just hurry inside,” and then she hangs up, “he’s outside, some fans recognised him when he got out of the taxi and he stopped for them, he’ll be here in a second.”

“That’s good,” Aki sighs, “I was worried.”

“I was just pissed,” Nii shrugs and Nagisa laughs.

“There, there, Satomi-chan,” Nagisa says in his usual high-pitched tone, “he’s here now, that’s all that matters, right?”

“He’s ten minutes late!” Nii retorts.

“I’m so sorry!” Rin yells, entering the room and immediately bowing at ninety degrees.

“Just tell us what happened,” Aki sighs, handing him his coffee.

“I got drunk last night,” Rin confesses.

“Oh, so that’s why you swore in your tweet,” Nii concludes, and Makoto swears he can see steam coming out her nose.

“I’m really, really sorry,” Rin tries.

Nii is about to go off on him, but Aki softly takes hold of her arm, “There’s no time now Satomi, you can yell at him later,” then she looks at Rin, “just get ready quickly, recording will start soon.”

Rin nods and gets changed into his stage outfit, then he sits down on the chair previously occupied by Rei and lets their team work on him. In the meantime, Makoto and Haru have are ready, so they stand up and go sit on the couch.

“I’m worried about him,” Makoto whispers.

“Who? Rin?” Haru asks and Makoto nods, “me too.”

“He’s all alone in that penthouse and he’s been lashing out a lot lately,” Makoto continues, “I wish we hadn’t let him move out alone.”

“Me too, but what’s done is done,” Haru shrugs, “promotions end today, then we’ll go back home and put him back together again. We’ve done it countless of times and we can do it again.”

Makoto nods, now a little reassured.

“What are you two whispering about?” Nagisa asks with a playful smile, creeping up from behind the couch.

“Nothing,” they both say at the same time.

“You guys never tell me anything,” Nagisa complains.

“It’s what you deserve,” Haru says, flicking him in the forehead and standing up.

Once Rin is finally done, they head outside of the room and walk through the corridors, which are filled with fellow artists, MCs and those who work for them. Makoto smiles and waves at some of his acquaintances, but he doesn’t stop to talk to them as they have no time.

Being the biggest idol group in the country and abroad has its perks, and them being late a bit doesn’t matter that much as they’re so requested everywhere that people are just glad they show up at all, but Makoto thinks of those people who work here and how tired they must be and picks up his pace.

They enter the stage to start rehearsals as they hear the crowd scream and they get blinded by the lights.

 

 

 

***

 

Rei steps into the car as the fans’ screams ring in his ears.

He loves them to death and he’ll be forever grateful to them for bringing them where they are now, but he’s still human and he’s tired after performing the same three songs for over two hours and the only thing he wants to do right now is go home and sleep but he can’t, because they have a fansign to attend now. The only thing that makes it all bearable is that today is the last day of promotions, and then they’ll all be able to go back home to their families.

He knows for sure that Makoto, Haru and Rin are going back to Iwatobi, a small coastal town near Sendai, while he will stay in Tokyo because that’s where he was born and Nagisa will go back to Fukuoka. He doesn’t feel that happy to be separated from them, but they all deserve this break before starting to work for their next comeback. Comebacks when they had just debuted tended to be closer to each other since they couldn’t risk the few fans they had at that time forgetting about them, but they’re so big now that they can afford to take bigger breaks, even if he knows that Amakata-PD is already working on their next song and Haru and Rin have a few beats he wants to show her. Plus, he saw Makoto scribbling something down in his lyrics notebook the other day.

Rin sighs as he feels Nagisa rest his head on his shoulder. Makoto and Haru are watching something on Haru’s phone with their headphones on, probably some gameplay, knowing Haru, and Rin is staring out of the window, immersed in his thoughts. Nii is driving and Aki, sitting next to her, is chatting her ears off, but something tells Rei that Nii doesn’t mind.

Rei, bored out of his mind, opens twitter. He doesn’t follow fans, so most of his timeline is tweets from official accounts of their agency and some fellow idols he’s friends with. He quickly tweets fans to be careful of the cold and then puts his phone back in his pocket. Without realising it, he starts carding his fingers through Nagisa’s hair. They’ve dyed it blonde for this comeback, honey blond, and Rei decides that it looks nice, but that’s not hot news as everything looks nice on Nagisa.

He sees Nagisa take his phone and open his notification of Rei’s tweet, he has notifications on from all of them, and quickly type out a reply.

“I’m so bored,” Nagisa complains after a while, “Satomi-chan, how long till we arrive?”

“Sorry,” Aki replies instead, “there’s some traffic, but it shouldn’t be longer than ten minutes.”

“What will I do for ten minutes?” Nagisa whines, dramatic as always.

“I’m sure you’ll find someone to bother,” Nii retorts.

“You’re so mean, Satomi-chan,” Nagisa mutters, but Nii has already moved on from the conversation and is back to chatting with Aki.

“Rei-chan,” Nagisa calls him.

Rei hums to let him know that he’s listening.

“Let’s play a game!” Nagisa exclaims.

“Fuck no,” Rin replies, turning to look at them.

“I wasn’t asking you,” Nagisa says, sticking out his tongue very maturely, “I was talking to Rei.”

“Sure,” Rei smiles, “let’s play a game.”

They play I Spy for the next of the ride, as Rin complains loudly but is ignored by everyone and Makoto and Haru are still watching something. The car stops and Nagisa takes his head off Rei’s shoulder, and Rei doesn’t know why but he already misses the warmth.

They all get out of the van and enter the building where their fansign will take place from the back door. One of the security guards inside guides them to their dressing room and they all sit and the makeup artists fix their makeup that was ruined by the sweat they accumulated after singing and dancing for more than two hours.

Rei relaxes in his chair. He always enjoys the feeling of having his makeup put on, nothing calms him down more than the soft strokes of the brushes on his face. He feels someone touching his hair and he swears he could melt right now, that’s how chill he feels.

Unfortunately, everything good has to come to an end, and soon Rei and the others are being led out of the dressing room by Nii and Aki, who are muttering something about them being late again. Rei takes a few deep breaths and enters the room.

Their latest album is playing loudly, but their fans make even more noise. Noise he should be used to by now, but it still spikes some anxiety in him. Thankfully Nagisa, who knows him better than everyone else, takes a look at him and then grabs his hand, leading him to the table on the stage. Rei sits down and Nagisa immediately puts an hand on his knee. He knows that there will be pictures of him and Nagisa holding hands, but he couldn’t care less at the moment and fans like that kind of stuff unless it’s real.

The first fan comes up and stops by Makoto, the one who’s sitting closer to the stairs that lead to the stage. They talk for a bit, he signs her album and then she goes to Haru and another fan comes up and goes to Makoto. The fans start sliding towards him, so Rei puts on his best smile, which isn’t fake as he’s always happy to see their fans and the noise has calmed down, and gets ready to greet them.

Nothing exciting happens during the fansign. The fans aren’t allowed to bring them post-its with questions anymore as they used to ask questions that were way too personal, but they’ll hold a Q&A at the end of the meeting session, the questions carefully chosen by Nii and Aki.

Rei greets fan after fan, he signs their albums, holds their hands, comforts them when they cry and laughs when they make jokes. A fan from overseas struggles to speak Japanese, so Rei switches to English and she cries from the joy of being able to communicate with him. She also tells him that he’s her ‘bias’, and Rei knows what that means just because he has an habit of venturing into stan twitter when he feels bored. He knows that the others do too, as they always want to be aware of what people say about them. Their fans, especially the ones overseas, use a lot of complicated vocabulary, like ‘wig’, ‘ult bias’ and ‘shipping’, and it was hard at first but by now they all know what those words mean.

The time for the Q&A comes and they all stand up and go to stand in front of the table. Rin and Makoto get more questions, which is usual, as they’re the most popular members, but Nagisa, Rei and Haru get their fair shares of questions and most of them are for them all anyway.

“If you had to go to a desert island, what would you bring with you?” Makoto reads, then he stops to think about it, “I guess a fishing rod, my cat and a good book!”

“I’d bring Makoto because I don’t know how to survive without him,” Haru starts.

“I’m not an object!” Makoto protests and the fans burst out laughing.

“I’d still take you,” Haru shrugs, “then some food and my gaming console.”

“You’re not gonna survive, buddy,” Rin laughs, “I’d bring a fishing rod, Haru so that I can race him in the water and.. nothing else, because Haru and I would race to safety.”

“That doesn’t make much sense,” Nagisa shakes his head, and then proceeds to answer the question, saying that he’d just bring his friends because he only needs them and everyone smiles.

“I’d bring food,” Rei starts, “a tent and my books.”

“You’re so boring, Rei-chan!” Nagisa exclaims, but he’s smiling fondly.

The Q&A goes on until they answer about fifteen questions, then they say their goodbyes, bow down to the fans and exit the stage. Rei sighs in relief as they head back to the van. They don’t talk much during the ride back home, as everyone is too tired to. Nii drives each of them back to their apartments, dropping Rin off first, then Makoto and Haru and lastly Rei and Nagisa.

Rei follows Nagisa up the stairs to their apartment room and leans on the wall as Nagisa opens the door. They both enter the apartment and Rei notices that it isn’t as bad as it looked that morning, there are just some clothes and an empty carton of milk on the floor.

“I’m going to shower,” Nagisa informs him and heads to the bathroom in his room.

Rei cleans up and heads to the bathroom in his own room as well. He opens the shower and lets it warm up as he removes the makeup from his face, then he takes off his clothes and enters the shower. He has a quick one because he’s too tired he just wants to go see the others off at the airport and then go to sleep.

When he’s done, he goes back in his room and grabs some clothes he has lying around on a chair. It’s an habit he got from living with Nagisa for so long, and one he should get rid of because he’s a neat freak and doesn’t like having things out of their place, but he doesn’t mind it that much now. He couldn’t, since he decided to live with Nagisa, but he doesn’t regret his choice one bit.

“Rei, are you ready?” Nagisa yells from the other room.

Rei grabs his face mask and a cap just to be sure and goes out of his room. Nagisa is dressed and already has his mask and sunglasses on, even if it’s evening, and is carrying his luggage.

“I can’t wait to go home and eat a meal cooked by mom,” Nagisa says with a dreamy sigh as they head outside again.

“Same,” Rei agrees.

They head to the main road and wait for a taxi to stop by. When it finally does, they get in and, “Haneda Airport, please,” Rei tells the driver.

They reach Haneda in about thirty minutes, which they spend being on their phones or chatting lightly about today’s fansign and what their fans said to them. When they’ve arrived, they pay and get out of the car. Nagisa takes his luggage from the hood of the car after assuring the driver that he can do it without a problem, and they enter the airport.

“Are the others here yet?” Rei asks Nagisa, who’s unlocking his phone.

“I don’t know, I’ll text them,” Nagisa replies and quickly types a message to their group chat: ‘mako and his babies’.

Rei waits for five whole seconds before Nagisa speaks again, “Mako says they’re in the bathroom.”

“Perfect,” Rei nods and they head there.

It takes them a few minutes, but following Makoto’s directions they arrive to the bathroom the others are in. Makoto and Rin are washing their hands in the sink and Haru is nowhere to be seen so Rei figures he must be in one of the stalls. His theory turns out to be correct because Haru comes out of the stall immediately after and washes his hands.

“So..” Makoto starts, “we have two weeks off before we start working on our next album.”

Two weeks aren’t that long, but they’re used to start working immediately after a comeback, so none of them complains.

“I wish you all the best time with your families,” Makoto continues, “make sure to rest and be healthy, stay warm and keep hydrated.”

“Same,” Haru comments and Rin laughs.

“I’ll miss you guys,” Nagisa says, sniffling, “we’ve never been apart for more than a week and two weeks is such a long time!”

“Well, it’s not like we won’t still be in contact,” Rin shrugs, but he looks affected under that mask of indifference he worked so hard to build.

“Still,” Nagisa protests, stomping loudly with his foot.

“I..” Rin sighs, looking away, “I’ll miss you guys, too.”

Rei steps in, eyes wet at the corner, “I’ll miss you guys so much.”

He’s not one to be emotional, usually, but it’s the last time he’ll see them, his friends, his family, for two weeks and he can’t help it. Makoto, Rin and Haru will still see each other because their family houses are all in Iwatobi, but Nagisa and Rei won’t be seeing them or each other for that long.

“..group hug?” Haru proposes, and everyone dives right in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

Rin exits Sendai Airport and finds that night has descended.

Makoto and Haru are behind him, so he turns to them, “Which bus do we need to take again?”

“The one to Shiogama,” Makoto replies, “it leaves in fifteen minutes, we have enough time to find it.”

They all start looking around and quickly spot it, they reach it and buy their tickets from the driver. Then, they head to the back of the bus where there are five seats in a row and sit there, so that they can sit next to each other. Rin rests his head on Makoto’s shoulder and opens up twitter on his account, “Oh, the Black Velvet girls tweeted us.”

“What did they say?” Haru asks from the other side of Makoto.

“They congratulated us on concluding promotions successfully,” Rin replies as he types out an tweet in reply to their agency’s girl group, “and to treat them to Kobe beef sometimes.”

Makoto chuckles, “We should do it.”

The bus finally starts and Rin spends the first minutes playing the Love Live! rhythm game on his phone. When he gets tired of it, he turns to look at his friends and finds that Makoto is sleeping. The train would take sixteen minutes, but the bus is cheaper and they haven’t fully adjusted to being rich after having been broke for so long, so they decided to take the bus, which takes more or less thirty minutes.

“Haru?” Rin tries to see if he’s asleep.

Haru reaches out and grabs his hand, then squeezes it, “Let’s just rest.”

“Okay,” Rin concedes.

They arrive to Shiogama and get off the bus, and, after looking around for a bit, they find their parents waiting for them. There are Makoto’s dad, who will take Haru home as well as they’re neighbors, and Rin’s mom with Gou. They’re all waiting beside the cars and, when they notice them, their eyes light up and start waiting at them. Rin feels so relieved he could cry.

Gou runs to them and literally jumps into Rin’s arms as their mom chuckles in the background, “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, princess,” he replies, feeling his eyes get wet.

“Don’t ever spend that long without visiting ever again,” she cries.

“I won’t,” Rin promises, even if it doesn’t depend on him.

When Gou finally lets go of him it’s his mom’s turn, and she holds him tight and he feels safe again. And this time he starts crying, “Momma.”

“I’m here, honey, I’m here,” she reassures him, “it’s all over now. You can finally rest.”

Rin nods and dries his tears with his hand when she lets go of him. Makoto’s dad chuckles, “Hello, son.”

Rin hugs him as well, and then they’re ready to go. He turns to Haru and Makoto, “Well, I’ll see you guys around.”

“See you,” Haru echoes.

“We’ll probably see each other tomorrow,” Makoto laughs.

“Yeah,” Rin agrees, “good night, guys.”

“Sleep well,” Haru replies, and then Rin gets in his mom’s car.

He quickly tweets from the group’s official account to thank their fans, and then rests his head on the car window. Gou is talking excitedly about her new boyfriend and his mom is chuckling along, and Rin feels like everything will be alright.

 

 

*** 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a glimpse into their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone and welcome back, I’m sorry that it took me so long to update this but things got in the way.
> 
> There’s multimedia in this chapter because I edited it a long time ago, but there won’t be anymore until I find some Japanese celebrities that remind me of the characters (if you know any, let me know in the comments!), because using not-Japanese ones is really bothering me.
> 
> That said, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and sorry again for the long wait!
> 
> Also, I made a [padlet](https://it.padlet.com/jendeukiesss/of0grapxgvt7) for this fic, go check it out if you want!
> 
> Come talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/sskr_twt)!

***

****

Rin wakes up to someone hugging him awake. He slowly opens his eyes and sees Gou on top of him, “I can’t believe you’re actually here.”

****

Rin smiles despite the tiredness, “Me neither.”

****

His house in Iwatobi is probably as big as his living room in Tokyo, but he doesn’t care, he just feels happy to be back home. Yesterday he ended falling asleep the second he got home, so he hasn’t really had a chance to catch up with his family yet and, based on the way Gou was chatting away yesterday in the car, it looks like they all have a lot to catch up on.

****

“Come on,” Gou smiles, “let’s go have breakfast.”

****

Rin hasn’t had a good breakfast since.. probably since the last time he was home, so he takes Gou’s outstretched hand and gets up. He sees black for a few seconds for having stood up so abruptly, but he quickly recovers and, still holding Gou’s hand, they head to the kitchen.

****

Breakfast is already served on the table as their mom is standing next the coffee machine, “Do you want a coffee, honey?”

****

Rin shakes his head, “I’m used to having multiple coffees a day but honestly I don’t even like it that much, I just need it to stay awake.”

****

His mom nods and goes to sit at the head of the table and Rin and Gou are quick to sit down at her sides. The table has everything he could have asked for: rice, vegetables, scrambled and poached eggs, bacon, orange juice and milk. Rin grabs some of everything and puts it in his plate, “Thank you for the meal.”

****

“Thank you for the meal,” his mom and Gou repeat after him.

****

Rin begins eating quickly, shoving the food down his throat so fast he can’t even taste it properly. He’ll have to diet once he gets back to Tokyo anyway, so he doesn’t care about what he eats that much.

****

Gou gets a text in the middle of eating and Rin notices the way her eyes light up as she checks it. It must be the boyfriend she was talking about yesterday in the car.

****

“No phones at the table,” their mom scolds her with a knowing smile.

****

“Sorry, sorry,” Gou replies, “Sei was asking me what my plans are for the day.”

****

“Sei?” Rin asks, confused, “Sei as is Seijuurou? The captain of my high school swim team?”

****

Gou nods.

****

“And he’s your boyfriend?” Rin asks in disbelief.

****

“He’s really nice?” Gou tries.

****

“He treats her like a princess,” their mom intervenes.

****

“Good,” Rin nods, “you shouldn’t settle for anything less.”

****

Gou chuckles, eyes still sparkling, “I won’t.”

****

“And the second he hurts you,” Rin continues, “you tell me and I’ll come back from wherever I am to beat him up.”

****

“I promise,” Gou nods solemnly.

****

“Good,” Rin says, satisfied.

****

“What about you, honey?” their mom asks, “do you have a.. special someone back in Tokyo?”

****

Rin laughs, “As if. We still have our dating ban.”

****

“Well,” his mom shrugs, “it’s not like you can’t still date. I’ve heard of so many celebrities that date in secret.”

****

“Yeah,” Rin laughs bitterly, “and you’ve heard of them because they were all caught.”

****

“I wish it wasn’t like this..” their mom sighs, “I just want you to be happy and to have someone who loves you by your side.”

****

“I am happy,” Rin insists, “well, most of the time.”

****

“Honey,” their mom smiles sadly, “you could never lie to me.”

****

“Okay..” Rin admits, “things are a bit shit at the moment, but I’ll figure everything out and be okay again, you don’t have to worry about me.”

****

“Oh honey, I can’t not worry, I’m a mom after all,” she laughs, “but still, you don’t know how much happier you will be when you have someone by your side.. maybe a pretty woman or a handsome man.”

****

“Yeah,” Rin snorts, “that’d be the end of the world. Imagine what a scandal me dating would create, and then double it if I ever get caught dating a man. Nah, that’d be suicide, the fastest way to end a career.”

****

“I know..” their mom sighs, eyes angry and fierce, “you can’t even imagine the things people have been saying about people like you.”

****

“Oh yes,” Rin nods, “I’ve heard of that politician, what a homophobic cunt.”

****

His mom doesn’t even correct him about the language which means that she must agree with his comment. Rin doesn’t watch the news, he doesn’t have the time, but he has a twitter account and that’s basically the same thing. He’s read all about that politician who called gay couples "unproductive" and wondered whether it was appropriate to spend taxpayer money on them. Rin remembers breaking a plate in anger, especially after he read so many comments agreeing with her.

****

“Onto lighter topics,” Gou says after a while, “Rin, do you wanna come hang out with me and Sei?”

****

“And be the third wheel?” Rin scoffs, “no thanks.”

****

“Don’t say that,” Gou whines, “I bet he’d be ecstatic to see you again. And Momo and Aii will be there, too.”

****

“I just wanna rest today, to be honest,” Rin confesses, “but maybe tomorrow?”

****

Gou nods, “Sure.”

****

After everyone is done eating Rin and Gou begin clearing the table, even if their mom tells Rin to just go rest. He promises her that he will once he’s done. They start washing the dishes, as Rin tells them about their latest round of promotions, from the performances, the fansigns and all the cities they’ve visited. When they’re done with the dishes, Gou excuses herself and goes to get ready for going out while Rin and their mom settle on the couch, Rin’s head resting on her lap and she runs her fingers through his hair. If Rin were a cat he’d be purring right now.

****

His mom turns the TV on and zips through the channels before settling on a movie they’ve already seen. Gou comes back from her room all dolled up, waves them goodbye and then leaves.

****

“She grew up a lot, huh?” his mom asks, watching her go with a fond smile.

****

Rin nods, “How’s college working for her?”

****

“It’s good,” she replies, “she struggles a bit with Statistics, but Sei helps her.”

****

“How long have they been together, anyway?” Rin asks.

****

“It’s been a few months,” his mom shrugs, “they met again on campus, he’s working as a TA, and they started catching up. Then one thing led to another and next thing I know I’m having dinner with both of them and they tell me that they’re together.”

****

Rin laughs.

****

“I’m worried about her, though,” his mom sighs.

****

“Why?” Rin asks.

****

“If things become serious with Seijuurou, he’s gonna ask her to move in with him,” his mom starts.

****

“And you don’t think she’s ready to live alone?” Rin guesses.

****

“No, it’s not that,” his mom explains, “it’s just.. she told me a few weeks ago that she’s never gonna move out because she doesn’t want me to be alone. Sometimes I feel so mad at your dad for leaving us like this..”

****

“Well, it’s not like he did it on purpose,” Rin shrugs. Talking about his dad isn’t painful anymore. He still misses him on some days, but he’s so busy that lately he can’t even afford to do that, “oh, that reminds me, I should go visit the grave since I’m here.”

****

His mom nods, “Do you want us to come with you?”

****

Rin shakes his head, “No, I’ll be fine.”

****

“You always say that..” she sighs, “you know that you don’t have to be strong all the time, right? Maybe with the rest of the world, but not with us. Tell me, how do you really feel?”

****

Rin sighs, “I feel like I’m not doing anything right.”

****

“What do you mean?” she asks carefully.

****

“I feel like I’ve been failing the guys as their leader..” Rin confesses.

****

“Why?”

****

“You wouldn’t believe the things people say about them,” Rin says, “they say that Haru is a cold-hearted bastard, that Nagisa is annoying, Rei is useless and Makoto is fake.”

****

“Honey..” his mom sighs, “that’s not really something you can control, is it? That’s just people who aren’t satisfied with themselves or with their lives that they feel the need to shit on everyone else. And celebrities are an easy target.”

****

“I know that, but it breaks my heart when I see Rei crying at 3am on the plane because he’s just read something about him,” Rin huffs, “I want to protect them.”

****

“You’re doing your best, honey,” she assured him, “and that’s all that matters. You’ve done an amazing job these past years.”

****

And Rin, Rin feels so liberated he starts to cry.

****

“What’s wrong?” his mom asks, worried.

****

“I just..” Rin sobs, “I needed to hear that. Sometimes I need someone to tell me that I did the right thing, choosing this path and bringing Haru and Makoto with me.”

****

“Think of all the people you make happy with your music,” she says, “think of how you’ve filled their lives with joy or even saved their lives! All of that wouldn’t have happened if you had just stayed here and went to college like everyone else.”

****

“I know,” Rin nods, “but I’m worried about our fans as well. They get so much shit just because they like us, you wouldn’t believe what people say or how they defend us.”

****

“They can stand it because they like you so much,” his mom assures him, “don’t worry, worry about yourself instead.”

****

Rin nods.

****

“Now, tell me what else is going on with your life,” she says.

****

“I just..” Rin huffs, “there are days when I don’t feel like getting up from bed and days when I can’t sit still. I feel so angry all the time and I feel.. I’m so lonely, mom.”

****

“Oh honey,” she whispers, heartbroken, “why don’t you go live with Haru and Mako for a while? Of course you aren’t okay, staying in that big apartment all by yourself.”

****

“I don’t know..” Rin mutters, “I don’t want to be a bother.”

****

“You could never be a bother to them,” she smiles as she catches the tears that are rolling down his cheeks, “I’m sure of that.”

****

Rin nods, “Maybe..”

****

“Also,” she continues, “gosh, I’ve been so worried about you. Ever since your father left us you’ve had the responsibility of being the ‘man’ of the house, even if you were merely a child and I can admit that that’s my fault.”

****

“It wasn’t..” Rin is quick to say.

****

“It was,” she insists, “I’m mature enough to admit that. I let myself go when he died and you had to take care of Gou yourself, and I’ll forever be sorry for that, honey. And now you feel like you’re responsible for the group, when you’re not. Just because you’re the leader doesn’t mean you can’t fall apart sometimes.”

****

Rin nods, “I feel so tired all the time..”

****

“You have to be in touch with your emotions more often,” she advises him, “and you’ve gotta start relying on others. You’re a group, the other guys would be there for you and you know it. You’re in this together.”

****

Rin nods, and they switch to lighter topics until Rin slowly falls asleep.

  


 

“Do you guys have money?” their mom asks.

****

Rin and Gou, both standing at the door, nod in perfect sync.

****

“Good,” she replies, “and do you have your sunglasses? It’s insanely hot for October and..”

****

“Mom,” Rin interrupts her, “we’re just going downtown. You don’t have to worry so much.”

****

She nods, “Okay, okay. But still, be careful.”

****

The siblings nod, wave her goodbye and then exit the house. Their mom was right, it is insanely hot and Rin regrets having worn a black sweater, but he doesn’t feel like going inside to get changed. He puts his sunglasses on as they make their way to Aii’s parents’ restaurant, where they’re supposed to meet Aii and the Mikoshiba brothers. Rin has stayed in contact with them over the years, especially with Aii as they spent two years rooming together back in high school.

****

Rin and Gou hold hands as they walk, Gou swinging them back and forth. They live in the suburbs of Iwatobi and they need to take the train to get to where Aii’s family restaurant is, so they head to the station.

****

Rin didn’t wear his face mask today, so it’s no wonder that after a while someone approaches him, “Rin-san?”

****

Rin turns around and is met with a young girl, she couldn’t be older than Gou, “Yes?”

****

“It’s really you!” she exclaims, “I’m a big fan of Parallel Stars.”

****

“Really?” Rin smiles, “thanks. It really means a lot.”

****

“Could we maybe..” she starts, obviously embarrassed.

****

“Would you like a picture?” Rin proposes, as he knows that that’s what she’s too scared to ask.

****

“Yes!” she exclaims.

****

“Give me your phone,” he says and she hands it to him. He opens the camera app and takes a few selfies of the two of them.

****

She looks close to tears when he hands her back her phone, “Thank you so much!”

****

“Would you like an autograph?” he asks.

****

She nods, “If it isn’t too much trouble..”

****

Rin laughs, “It’s not, don’t worry.”

****

She hands him a piece of paper she takes from her bag, along with a pen.

****

“What’s your name?” he asks.

****

“Natsumi,” she replies.

****

Rin writes a message for her and signs it, before handing everything back to her, “Here you go.”

****

“My friends are gonna be so jealous,” Natsumi laughs, “thank you so much, Rin-san.”

****

“It’s nothing,” Rin shrugs, and then she walks away.

****

Rin quickly texts the group chat to let the others know that he’s been recognised, it’s a game they play when they’re in public, but Nagisa shuts him down when he says that he’s already been approached three times. Damn it.

****

The train finally arrives and Gou and Rin get on. They don’t sit down as they know that they’re getting off soon and, after two stops for a total of six minutes, they get off the train. Gou guides him to ‘Taste of the Ocean’ as he doesn’t remember the way, chatting about her friends from school and all the latest gossip of the local university. Rin gets confused by all the names, but he nods at everything she says anyway.

****

The restaurant is bigger than Rin remembered and Gou explains that they’ve renovated it while he was gone. It’s also pretty full, but Gou leads to the terrace where there aren’t many people. Aii, Momotarou and Seijuurou are already there, sitting at one of the tables in the corner. Sei notices them and starts waving, as if they hadn’t already seen them.

****

“He’s so embarrassing,” Gou whines and Rin laughs.

****

Gou and Rin reach the table and sit down in front of the others who are all sitting on the same side. Sei takes Gou’s hand and gives it a quick kiss and Rin rolls his eyes with a fond smile.

****

“Oh, shut up Matsuoka,” Sei laughs.

****

“I didn’t even say anything!” Rin protests.

****

“I saw that eye roll, you sneaky thing,” Sei retorts.

****

“Okay, okay, I did,” Rin admits, “but I’m genuinely happy for the two of you.”

****

“Thank god,” Sei smiles, “I was kinda worried about your reaction.”

****

“I’m not that bad!” Rin exclaims.

****

“Remember when you thought she was dating Momo?” Aii intervenes, “you are that bad.”

****

Rin bursts out laughing, “That was.. a thing that happened.”

****

Gou shakes her head fondly, “As if I would ever date Momo.”

****

“Hey!” Momo exclaims, pretending to be offended.

****

“Honey,” Gou smirks, “we all know you only have eyes for Aii, anyway.”

****

Rin chokes on his water, “He.. what?”

****

“Oh, didn’t we tell you?” Aii says, “we’re together.”

****

“You’re what?” Rin asks in disbelief.

****

“We’re dating,” Momo shrugs, “I can’t believe you didn’t know.”

****

“Great,” Rin comments, “so I’m fifth wheeling right now.”

****

Everyone bursts out laughing and some of the people at the tables nearby turn to look at them. One of the waitresses comes by and asks them if they’re ready and they all tell her their orders. She takes the menus, tells them that they’ll have to wait a bit and leaves.

****

Rin turns to look around as Momo starts going off about something that happened the other day in college, and he notices that from the terrace the ocean can be seen. He sighs and instantly relaxes. He’s surrounded by some of his best friends, he’ll get to eat delicious food and the view is amazing. He feels more at peace than he has in a while.

****

The food arrives and they all start eating between catching up. They ask Rin loads of questions as they’re all curious about what it’s like to be that famous and what the rest of the world is like. At the same time, Rin asks them about their studies or their jobs. Sei is the TA for the chemistry department at the local university, Aii works at his parents’ restaurant while Momo is a biology major.

****

Rin notices that they’ve changed a lot. Well, Sei is still a bit intimidating but he’s mellowed out a bit, Aii is more relaxed and Momo is more mature. Of course he expected things to be different, but he’s still unsure about how he feels about these changes. He knew that things would be different every time he came back, but he suddenly realises that their lives go on even without him, and that makes him feel weird. Thankfully the light chatter makes him stop having an existential crisis.

****

They stay at the restaurant to catch up until the sky starts turning pink. They take pictures together and laugh a lot, and Rin feels normal again. When it’s time to leave they all hug him and wish him the best with his career and he tells them the same.

  


 

***

  


“What did Rin say?” Makoto asks, gently tracing the veins of Haru’s wrist with his delicate fingers.

****

Haru drops his phone back in bed, “That he’ll see us there at one.”

****

“Good,” Makoto smiles, shifting to caress his entire arm.

****

“We should probably get up and start getting dressed,” Haru points out.

****

“Let’s just stay like this,” Makoto purrs, “forever.”

****

“We could be like this all the time,” Haru mutters.

****

Makoto throws a look at him, then retires his arm from around his waist and gets up, “You’re right, we should get up now.”

****

“Oh,” Haru snorts, “so we’re not gonna talk about it?”

****

“Talk about what, Haru?” Makoto snaps, “there’s nothing to talk about.”

****

“Nothing to talk about?” Haru repeats, incredulous, “so the fact that we’ve been hiding our relationship from literally everyone for the past few years is nothing?”

****

“I’m done talking about this,” Makoto huffs, grabbing his change of clothes and going to the bathroom.

****

“Makoto, I swear to god,” Haru yells after him, “you better come back here this instant.”

****

Makoto slams the door of Haru’s room shut.

****

Haru had plans for their break: spend time with Makoto’s family, pick Rin’s broken pieces up from the floor, have sex at any possible moment and finally have the talk with Makoto.

****

They’ve been hanging out with Ran and Ren everyday and having meals at Makoto’s place while they stay at Haru’s house. They’re going to see Rin today and they’ve had lots of sex. As for the last point.. Makoto obviously doesn’t want to talk about it.

****

Haru thought he wasn’t the only one sick of hiding, lying and pretending but apparently he is, because Makoto seems perfectly fine with the system they’ve had for the past years. And, honestly, Haru should have noticed it earlier. The way Makoto always distracted him when he started to talk about it or the way he dismissed it so nonchalantly.

****

But the truth is that Haru can’t go on like this anymore, it sounds cliche but it’s killing him and destroying everything he’s worked so hard for. From coming to accept his sexuality to trashing the relationship he had with his whole family because of it and the fact that he wanted to make music instead of taking over in the family’s business.

****

He hasn’t thought about his family in a while, and he stops to wonder about how they must be doing. Surely his parents must be busy with their architecture firm, too busy to even call to check up on him. He suffered a lot because of this while growing up, but now he’s gotten thick skin and he isn’t that affected by it anymore. The last fight they had tells him that he won’t be hearing from them anytime soon.

****

Haru sighs and finally gets up from bed. He heads to the kitchen and makes himself a mug of coffee, the third of the day already. He quickly gets dressed and makes sure to put a cap on, turned so low that his face can’t be seen, along with a face mask. Makoto, who in the meantime has come out of the bathroom fully dressed in one of his usual dress shirts and tight jeans, doesn’t even look at him.

****

With a deep sigh, Haru enters the bathroom and brushes his teeth. Then, they both make sure they have their keys and exit Haru’s family home. Ran and Ren are outside, playing on the stairs, and Makoto stops by them and gently caresses their hair while asking them how they spent the night.

****

“Aren’t you guys coming to have lunch?” Ran asks.

****

“I’m sorry,” Makoto replies, “but we’re meeting up with Rin today.”

****

“But you see Rin all the time!” Ren complains.

****

“Rin is sad,” Haru butts in, “we need to cheer him up.”

****

“Then, can we come, too?” Ran asks, “we’re good at making people happy.”

****

Haru chuckles, “I don’t doubt that, but it’s an adult thing.”

****

“Okay..” Ran mutters, dejected.

****

After saying goodbye to them, Makoto and Haru finish coming down the stairs that bring to their houses and walk to the train station. All of it in complete silence, which makes Haru sigh again. It’s one of those days again, those days in which they barely talk to each other but pretend to be fine in front of the others. There’s been a lot of days like this lately.

****

They arrive at Aiichiro’s family restaurant in no time, and they immediately spot Rin standing outside, looking at his phone.

****

“Hey, Rin,” Makoto puts on a smile.

****

“Oh, hey guys,” Rin looks up at them while putting his phone in his pocket, “you’re late.”

****

“Sorry, sorry,” Makoto chuckles, “Ren and Ran hold us up.”

****

“‘s fine,” Rin shrugs, “let’s just go in, I’m starving.”

****

Makoto and Rin chat about the restaurant and how it’s changed while they wait for their orders to arrive and, while eating, about how they’ve spent these past few days. Rin tells them that he’s just been staying at home, apart from the other day in which he had lunch with Gou, Aiichiro and the Mikoshiba brothers, and then proceeds to tell them all about that.

****

Makoto smiles the whole time, throwing a laugh here and there, and Haru stops eating to look at him and wonders how he does that, how can he pretend to be fine all the time? But then again, isn’t that what Makoto does the most? Pretending. Acting like they aren’t together when they actually have been for the past few years.

****

And then Haru starts to wonder: if Makoto is apparently that good at acting, could it be possible that he might be pretending even with him?

****

“Haru?” Rin asks, “you there, buddy?”

****

Haru nods, “Yeah. ‘m just tired.”

****

After eating, they decide to head to the Taijiri Shrine. They walk in silence, and Haru feels grateful that no one stops them, even if a few people stop to stare at them, because he’s shit at acting and they would figure out that something’s wrong with him in a matter of seconds.

****

The old Taijiri Shrine always looks like it’s had better days, but it’s home. It’s where they went to pray for good luck every New Year’s growing up and where they brought Nagisa and Rei the day before releasing their debut song, so there’s a sentimental value attached to it.

****

They climb the stairs and reach the fountain near the shrine’s entrance. There, they take the ladles, fill them with fresh water and rinse both hands before rinsing their mouths as well. At the offering hall, they all throw coins into the offering box, bow twice, clap their hands twice and bow deeply once more before praying for a few seconds.

****

After that, they keep walking to reach the place they’ve actually been meaning to go to. The Taijiri lookout point is their spot, it has always been and they’ve spent countless of afternoons there, doing their homework, chatting or deciding whether or not they should go audition for this new entertainment agency.

****

“So.. what’s going on with you?” Makoto turns to Rin as soon as he sits down.

****

“Oh, is that why you asked me to come out with you?” Rin shakes his head, “I should have expected this.”

****

“We’re your friends,” Haru intervenes, “your best friends. We don’t want you to hide anything from us.”

****

“Yeah,” Rin snorts, “just like you two aren’t hiding anything from me? Because don’t think I haven’t noticed how you’re not looking at each other.”

****

Haru feels his blood freeze in his veins and is suddenly reminded just how observant Rin can be sometimes. Haru takes a deep breath and feels ready to tell Rin everything they have been keeping from him.

****

“It’s nothing,” Makoto assures Rin with a smile, “we had a little altercation this morning, about Haru’s parents. You know how those go.”

****

Haru remains stunned. How can Makoto just lie like this to their best friend? Their brother?

****

“Ah, the usual, then,” Rin shrugs, “well.. I-I’ve been just a little sad lately, nothing to worry about.”

****

“Of course we worry about you, Rin,” Makoto tells him.

****

“It’s just..” Rin turns to look at the ocean, “I think I’ve lost my passion for music because this isn’t going the way I expected it to.”

****

“The situation we’re in isn’t ideal,” Haru agrees and Makoto hums to let them know that he feels the same way, too.

****

“And I just..” Rin huffs, “I spent the whole night in front of my computer trying to come up with something decent for our comeback and I just can’t. I’m terrified to do music again because.. what if we let people down?”

****

“Rin,” Makoto sighs, “they love us so much they they would hype up even shitty songs.”

****

“I know and that’s exactly what I don’t want!” Rin exclaims, “I want people to be real with me and I want to be myself with them. It feels like there are three hundred different me and I.. I don’t know who I am anymore.”

****

“Oh Rin..” Makoto’s voice sounds pained as he speaks, “why didn’t you tell us before that things were getting so bad?”

****

“I’m the leader,” Rin shrugs, “I should be the one taking care of your problems.”

****

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Haru retorts through gritted teeth.

****

“The truth is that I’m falling apart, guys,” Rin tells them with a wet voice, “and I feel so fucking lonely all the time.”

****

“But you have us!” Makoto exclaims, “and Rei and Nagisa and, fuck, Rin, you know that we would take a bullet for you.”

****

Rin sighs and turns to look at them, tears clear in his eyes, “I know that. And thank you.”

****

“Do you wanna come stay with us for a while?” Haru asks him.

****

Rin nods, “I was actually thinking of asking you that.”

****

“It’s settled then,” Makoto smiles, “don’t worry, Rin, we’ll pick you back up.”

****

***

****

There’s nothing wrong with Nagisa, he swears. He’s completely fine, one hundred percent.

****

Sure, he hasn’t gone outside in four days now and there are questionable things in his search history, but he’s normal, just your regular, next door guy. Or, at least, that’s what Nagisa is trying to act like. His sisters don’t suspect a thing and neither do his parents.

****

But, in reality, Nagisa is a mess.

****

He doesn’t know why, but he suspects it’s because he isn’t with the others. He’s searched about it on the internet, and he found out that he might be a little bit too dependent on his friends. Not that they mind it, but still, it’s not good for himself.

****

Nagisa also realised that he isn’t able to make decisions without consulting someone else, so, for once he forces himself to take a decision: since being alone makes him to be in touch with the thoughts he wants to ignore, he’s going to go back to Tokyo.

****

He knows that he’s only been home for a little over a week and that they’re not supposed to go back until after Halloween, but he’s tired of this situation.

****

So he gets up from the bed, grabs his carry on and starts filling it with his clothes. It takes him a while to find everything as he’s so messy that his stuff is all over the place but, an hour later, he’s ready to go.

****

He quickly buys a plane ticket to Tokyo for later today, feeling lucky that he was able to find it, and checks in so he doesn’t have to do it at the airport.

****

With a heavy sigh and feeling ready, he heads to the main room of his family house.

****

“Honey,” his mom smiles, then it drops when she notices his luggage, “where are you going?”

****

“Back to Tokyo,” Nagisa explains, “Rei-chan needs me.”

****

“For what?” one of his older sisters wonders.

****

“Uh..” Nagisa decides to lie, “personal stuff.”

****

“Okay,” his mom nods, still looking a bit dumbstruck.

****

“Well then,” Nagisa nods.

****

His sisters embrace him, his mom later as well, and then he’s out of the door. He goes to the main street and manages to catch a taxi, then tells the driver to go to the airport.

****

At the airport he goes through security and all the other stuff. After waiting a bit he gets on the plane, takes a sleeping pill and proceeds to sleep for the following two hours.

****

The person next to him wakes him up when they’ve landed and Nagisa is glad that he missed the whole flight because flying still scares him a bit. He thanks the old lady, grabs his carry on and heads outside.

****

Breathing the fresh Tokyo air already makes him feel better, a little less alone.

****

He catches a taxi to Rei’s family home and grabs the copy of the keys Rei gave him a while ago from his bag. He rings the doorbell to notice the Ryūgazaki family that he’s there, but still opens with his keys a bit later.

****

“Nagisa, sweetie!” Rei’s mom exclaims as soon as she sees him, looks like she was going to open the door, “what are you doing here? Rei didn’t tell me you were coming.”

****

“Rei-chan didn’t know,” Nagisa explains with a sheepish smile, “I just.. got bored of being at home, I guess.”

****

Rei’s mom chuckles, “You superstars truly can’t live a normal life anymore. Please, come in!”

****

Nagisa takes off his shoes and follows her inside the house. Everything is exactly as he remembers: a cold, almost empty house. But, as soon as he sees Rei in the living room, Nagisa wonders why it feels more like home than the one back in Fukuoka.

****

“Nagisa?” Rei’s eyes open wide.

****

“..surprise?” Nagisa tries.

****

“Why are you here?” Rei wonders.

****

Rin’s mom excuses herself to the kitchen to get some tea ready, and Nagisa feels comfortable sharing the truth.. or part of it at least, “I didn’t feel too good at home.”

****

And Rei doesn’t question it, as if he already knows, he just nods, “And do you feel better now?”

****

Nagisa nods a few times.

****

“Then that’s all that matters,” Rei smiles.

  


****** **

***

****

Rin looks around, bored out of his mind. The night hasn’t even started and he already feels like it’ll be shit.

****

He’s currently at a Halloween party in Tokyo, having said goodbye to his mom and Gou just that morning. He doesn’t know why he decided to come alone— he doesn’t have that many friends and Makoto and Haru wanted to stay in Iwatobi for a few days more, while Rei and Nagisa refused his offer saying that they had stuff to do.

****

Rin looks around again, sipping on his cocktail, and notices a lot of familiar faces: actors and actresses, singers, band members, fellow idols and more. It’s a party for famous people, but Rin still hasn’t adjusted to this kind of life so he’s hesitant about going up to people and start conversations.

****

“You’re all alone, huh?” a deep voice behind him asks.

****

Rin turns around and sees a guy he’s never seen before: tall and broad, light eyes and dark hair. He’s attractive and maybe, Rin thinks with a smirk, maybe this entire night won’t completely go to shit.

  


***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, I genuinely hope you enjoyed. If you did please let me know by leaving a kudo or a comment!
> 
> come talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/sskr_twt) pls i'm lonely and bored


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